Be There
by Donna Lynn
Summary: An alternation or exstention of the end scene of "Spoils of War". John finds Teyla alone on one of the many balcony's of Atlantis and she confesses she can not put her self at such risk anymore and is beyond thankful for John's protection.


John had been listening to Rodney and Radek go on and on about their latest close call when he noticed Teyla standing on the balcony outside the control room. He slowed to a halt as Rodney and Radek went on without even noticing he'd stopped. He watched her for a moment, just stared, then joined her outside. He paused for a moment looking out over the sea. "Hey," he said softly letting her know of his presence. "Did you talk to Keller?" he asked hopefully.

Teyla looked to him and nodded. "I've just come from the infirmary. Everything is fine, at least physically," she seemed hesitant at the last part.

He looked at her worriedly, "What does that mean?"

She sighed tiredly, "I exposed my unborn child to the mind of a killer, even before he has opened his eyes on the world."

His eyes widened, "He?"

"It is a boy," she smiled proudly.

He didn't seemed convinced, "Really, I thought you didn't want Keller to tell you anything?"

"She did not," she offered shortly as if her answer would explain everything to him.

"Okay..." he trailed off taking her answer for what it was.

She signed again, "You were right to question my involvement in the mission." She stared out for a moment before she continued. "There was a time when I would have laid down my life for you, Ronon, or Rodney without hesitation. But I have other considerations now." She hated to put it so bluntly almost afraid that he would be offended by her abrupt realization.

"It's understandable," he agreed with no malice or sarcasm, but understanding.

She looked at him with relief and fright all at once. "You have no idea how close she came...to extinguishing his life." She was on the brink of tears. "If you had hesitated for even a moment..." She fought to hide the tears. Instead she took the few steps between them and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and cried lightly in the comfort of his embrace.

He hesitated as he always did when giving her such comfort. Why he felt uncomfortable he didn't know, but it was worse now with the knowledge of her pregnancy and the fact she was pregnant by another man, not him. He would never tell a living soul aloud but he was angry about her situation, angry at her, angry with himself, he was just angry, at everyone. But at the same time he couldn't hold it against her, or the child. Even with his anger he couldn't help but feel an uncontrollable urge to be protective, more protective.

"I told you once before Teyla...I would lay down my life for any of you..." he pulled away to frame her face between his hands. "...that includes your son..." he whispered as he wiped the tears from her face. They stared into one another's eyes and for a moment Teyla thought she saw his wall of protective emotion come down. But before she could react he spoke. "Get some rest okay," he leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead longer than he probably should have then turned and left without so much as a glance back.

She stood frozen in place. After all that had happened. After everything that had been said. He had still been there for her and always would be when needed. The realization stung her to the core...he loved her. He loved her...and she loved him. Now she realized why she felt guilt the last few months she looked at him. She betrayed him even though they were not physically lovers, she still betrayed his feelings and therefore her own.

But what was done is done and there was no changing it. Teyla was pregnant with a son. Pregnant with another man's child, not John Sheppard's. There was a strong possibility they would never find her people therefore they would never find Kannan.

She stood on the balcony for what could have been mintues, hours, she didn't know but at some point she found herself walking the halls. Before she knew what happened she found herself on John's corridor. She looked around like she was afraid of being caught then realized how ridiculous she seemed. She asked herself if she wanted to stop in, see how he was, or just continue on her way. She closed her eyes to clear her mind and took a deep breath. It was now or never. The moment of truth. What did John Sheppard think about her, their, current situation? John and Kannan had met before but only briefly. He really had no clue she was having a relationship with him.

Her feet led her to his door and she waved her hand over the door chime and waited for him. A moment passed and the door slid open but there was no one there. Teyla hesitated a moment and wondered if he just forgot to lock his door and had gone to bed.

"John?" she called out.

"Come on in Teyla I'll be out in a sec," she could tell he was in the wash room. _Probably getting ready for bed. _She stepped inside and the door closed enveloping the room into practical darkness. Suddenly he stood in front of her with nothing but a pair of sweats on and running a towel through his trousled hair. "Hey what's up?" Luckily he wasn't looking at her or he would've seen the light blush on her face. It wasn't the first time she'd seen him without a shirt on but it was the first time she'd been alone in his room with him when seeing him without said shirt. It was then she realized the late hour, the timing on her part was not good.

She sighed, "I apologize John I had not realized the hour I can come back later when..."

"...it's okay what is it?" he ran the towel through his hair one last time and tossed it onto the bed then focused his full attention on her with his hands on his hips.

She found she couldn't focus well in their current setting and that unnerved her. She'd found John physically attractive from the day she met him but she'd always been able to keep her guilty pleasures in check. But being in alone with him in his room where his scent was everywhere and he was half naked...was a bit overwhelming.

"You okay?" he stepped forward putting them closer than arms length.

She quickly nodded and looked down at her hands. "Yes I am fine, we're fine," she put her hands on the small bump that was starting to show and he couldn't help but look down and stare where she rested her hands.

"Then what is it?" he nearly whispered as he looked back up at her.

They stared at one another for a long moment.

"Are you angry with me?" she asked quietly, fearful.

His brow creased in confusion as he gazed down at her. "About what?" he didn't like where this was headed.

She took a deep breath. "Are you angry that I was having a relationship and did not tell you?" One thing at a time.

He quickly looked away and licked his lips but kept his composure. "Teyla what you do is your business," he tried to keep his voice from showing much emotion.

"But you're angry that I'm pregnant by this man," she persisted.

He gawked at her. "I'm angry because you let me put you in danger for nearly three months and didn't have the decency to tell me as your friend or commanding officer," he tried to keep his voice down but he failed miserably.

"Is that really why you were so angry when I told you?" she asked genuinely.

"What are you getting at Teyla?" he shot back.

"Why were you really angry John?" she ignored his question.

"We are not having this conversation," he turned and went to his dresser to retrieve a shirt.

"Why can't you just tell me how you feel?" she was desperate to know what went on in his head.

He turned on her so fast and stepped so close to her she could feel his breath against her lips. "You really wanna know how I feel about you, the baby and Kannan?"

"Yes!" she did not back down.

"I hate you right now!" he yelled. "How could you!" They stared at one another for a moment then he continued his rant. "I could understand you needing some companionship but to let yourself get pregnant by the guy come on Teyla!"

She stood stock still, shocked. The hurt and rage that now occupied his face made her gut wrench.

"And the fact that you kept it to yourself, not even Ronon, tells me that you either felt guilty about it or you were too ashamed of us...me!"

"John..."

"...don't, stand there and tell me you didn't mean to hurt me," he turned his back on her and hung his head tiredly. "Tell me something Teyla..." he trailed off and Teyla stayed quiet, waiting. "...if you hadn't been stunned...when were you gonna tell me, us, the team." He turned back to face her with the most sorrowful eyes she'd ever seen him wear. He was truly hurt by her deception.

She had to hold the tears at bay. She took a deep breath, "I swear John, I wanted to tell you but the time never seemed right..."

"...you should've made the time!" he roared. "Goddammit Teyla!" he kicked his small desk chair across the room making it crash into the wall with a loud clatter.

Teyla closed her eyes and let the tears fall. There was nothing she could say or do that would make the situation better. Only time would mend their wounds and it broke her heart. "I am sorry John..." she whispered brokenly. "I am so sorry..." She turned to make her way from his room when she heard him start to say something but he stopped as she glanced over her shoulder at him. They stared at one another for a moment before he spoke.

"I have always been there for you...no matter what...why couldn't you trust me with him...the baby?" he sounded so hurt and broken it made her heart ache.

She turned to face him again with tears down her face. "Because of this," she waved her hands about. "I was afraid you would hate me...I felt, somewhat guilty because of my own feelings for you but..." she stopped mid sentence and wiped at her tears. "Among my people John men initiate companionship and you've never been anything but my friend, my best friend and when Kannan..." she didn't bother explaining the rest.

Before she could react he was in front of her, took her face between his hands and kissed her deeply. Much like their first kiss but Teyla didn't tense out of shock this time she allowed him to consume her. A moment or so later he broke contact and relaxed his forehead against hers.

"Is that what you wanted? You want me to say I can't stand the thought of you with another man? That I want you, need you? That I wish the child you carried was my child?" he breathed heavily against her lips.

"Why did you never say anything?" she breathed.

He shook his head as if he didn't know. "I was scared," he whispered.

"John..." she breathed but was cut off as he kissed her again.

He backed her to his bed and lightly fell on top of her. It was always like that with John she couldn't explain it. The ease of doing exactly what he wanted her to do. It always made her feel safe somehow when before it would alarm her.

"I have wanted you for so long Teyla..." he breathed against her neck.

Teyla knew where things were going and realized she needed to stop it now. She loved John Sheppard without a doubt but there was still the fact she was pregnant by another man and that man had yet to be found dead or alive. Until that time she would not feel right by lying with another man.

"John we must stop..." she breathed as he found a particular sensitive spot on her neck.

He quickly pulled back and shifted to sit next to her somewhat tense. Neither moved for a long moment and all that was heard were their harsh breaths.

"Do you love him?" he asked quietly.

She sat up and scooted behind him to wrap her arms around his shoulders. She felt him tense up slightly but did not falter with the firmness of her own.

"Know this John, Kannan will always hold a special place in my heart because he is the father of my child...but it is you that will always have my heart," she kissed his shoulders, neck and temple to reassure him. "But I cannot dishonor him until I know his fate." She hoped he understood.

He wanted her to say yes or no, but could understand her answer all the same. "We'll find him," he reassured her in return.

But for now, they would have to remain...as normal.

_Its been ages since Ive posted anything, that seems to be my running theme lately but let me know what you think. _


End file.
